Why are we
superstitious about happiness? You know, afraid something bad will happen in
the near future if we feel too happy right now.
Like,
there’s this cosmic balance that has to be maintained: if we are too happy, then
something bad must occur.
When you
spell it out like that, it sounds a little silly, right? But on some level, a
lot of us think like this now and then. When something begins to go our way, we
wait for that other shoe to drop. It is as if we cannot trust in happiness and
must always be fearful of the future.
When you
feel this happening, it's a sure indication that you are stressed out.
And when
you have this kind of negative expectation, you prime your brain to look for
trouble. That’s right—your brain will be on the lookout for what you imagine or
anticipate. That’s just how it works.
If you are
worried about something, your brain will look for signs to validate those worries,
achieve those outcomes.
If, on the
other hand, you anticipate success and good times, it will look for evidence
and opportunities to validate or accomplish those.
Maybe being
fearful a lot was valuable in helping human beings survive in earlier, untamed eras.
And sadly, in some homes and neighborhoods today, or toxic workplaces, hyper-vigilance
may still be easily cultivated.
So, is this
healthy?
Actually,
no.
Prolonged
or perpetual stress, a state in which your body and mind are on the lookout for
threats, takes its toll on your health. Vigilance requires a lot of energy--resources
that your body and brain might use for other functions.
Chronic
stress wears down your system and makes you vulnerable to stress-related
diseases like high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and even osteoporosis.
Stress also
activates inflammation, and that means more pain. Relaxation-response programs
like SMART, developed at the Benson-Henry Institute, or mindfulness-based stress
reduction (MBSR), have been used successfully to reduce suffering from pain for just
this reason. By lessening the negative emotions triggered by stress,
inflammation itself can be reduced, and pain is not as bad.
Over time
stress even changes your brain at the cellular level. In the amygdala, a very
ancient, survival-focused segment of your brain that is commander in chief of
your stress system, neurons and their dendrites (branches that help cells
communicate with each other) develop more as stress stimulates this area, while
cells in the prefrontal cortex (PFC), for instance, can shrink, losing
dendritic branching and length, and not growing new neurons. Or, PFC neurons
extend their branches more toward the amygdala, so that more types of stimuli
can trigger it to turn on stress.
The PFC is
where important human actions like self-control, emotional control, problem
solving, and planning take place. It is linked with positive emotions, like
love, unity, joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, hope, and so on. The more you
develop this area, the more you develop these positive aspects of being human.
On the
other hand, the threat-activated amygdala connects to negative emotions—fear,
anger, jealousy, judgmental attitudes, sadness. The bigger it gets on the
cellular level, the more things can push you toward negativity--and poor
health.
So, despite
proverbs or superstitions that tell you otherwise, it is healthy and even
important for you to feel good--about yourself, about life, about others, about
the future. The more time you spend experiencing positive emotions, the more
you are fueling that area of the brain, instead of the negative-emotion, stress
system. Positive emotions, positive perspectives—looking for the silver lining,
or making lemonade from those lemons of life—serve to build up your PFC, temper
your negative tendencies, increase your resilience.
What you think, you become;
What you feel, you attract;
What you imagine, you create.
Buddha,
Dhammapada
Barbara
Fredrickson, positive psychology researcher and author of Positivity, explains that while negative emotions serve important
roles in allowing a species to survive the dangers of life, positive emotions
serve a different survival purpose.
Positive
emotions and activities, like gratitude, playfulness, affection, and love,
serve to bring people together and, in creating and broadening their base of social
bonds, to protect them in the future. Remember that girl in high school, the
guy in college who was always smiling, always friendly, and also had lots of
friends? Positivity is pro-social, and let’s face it, people need people.
Gratitude
is one of the most powerful positive
emotions there is. It has even been called the doorway to all the other
positive emotions. There was great wisdom behind the practice of expressing
thanks before meals or in prayers before going to bed that modern science is
now validating. How amazing is that!
When you
are positive, you are also not in a stressed state, so you are not wearing down
the inner resources needed for maintaining homeostasis—your body’s delicate
balance. Instead, you are actually contributing to good health – both for
yourself and others.
Being
worried or negative becomes a habit that can be challenging to break, but never
impossible.
You don’t
have to remain that person who always fears negative repercussions if something
nice happens to you, or if you are feeling good about an accomplishment. You can
begin to reverse the tendency to see the glass as half empty by embracing your
own positive emotions and thoughts.
Allow
yourself to pause there, spend time with those positive thoughts and emotions,
relish happy memories. imagine and look forward to positive future events.
Breathe,
pause, think of something pleasant, hold it in mind for at least 30 seconds.
It is that
simple.
As the holidays approach, don't just fill your
calendar and show up where it tells you to go. If you have something fun or
exciting coming up, spend a little time each day anticipating the goodness of
it, looking forward to your plans with family or friends.
Guide your
daydreams toward positive emotional scenes. Are you going to see someone you
don’t often get to see? Instead of dwelling on past resentments that can spring
quickly to mind, stop and take a deep breath. Then see if you can remember some
good times with that person. Can you make that person look happy in your
imagination?
Think up
some fun things you could do when you get together in the coming weeks. Maybe
plan to bring that backgammon set you guys used to play as kids, or a deck of
cards, or a photo album. You might even find yourself sending them a looking-forward-to-seeing
you card...
We seem to
effortlessly make time for worrying… Instead, why not make the choice to
imagine positive things? Sure, maybe none of them will happen, just like our
worst-case scenario worries. But you will smile while you think about them, your
mood will lift, and your PFC will be bathed in stimulation, nudging neurons to
grown and stretch their dendrites to positive places, strengthening your
resilience and positivity for the future.
You will
feel good about yourself, and you just might spread some of that goodness
outwards as well.
Elisabeth Carter Ed.M., MFA, completed the training to provide SMART at the Benson Henry Institute in 2015. For information about her Metro-West (Boston) based program, visit www.managemystress.net.
