Time traveling

 Time traveling is one of the superpowers of being human. 

    This is not science fiction. It's fact. We do it all the time! 

    When you recall something wonderful, or something traumatic, so vividly that you even feel the same emotions you had at that time... When you worry about what might happen tomorrow, or some other time, at some future event, or if something bad might occur, or when you imagine how great it will be when say, you and your fiancee are finally married, or you finish a school project you are excited about... You are, essentially, as far as your brain knows, time traveling.

    The human brain does not differentiate between something that is happening right now in the present moment and something you are remembering that happened in the past, or envisioning happening in the future. The emotional triggering in your brain of such things will initiate the same neurobiological reactions as if these were happening in the present moment, preparing your body for battle, or relaxing it for pleasure. This can even happen when you are just watching an emotion-evoking drama (or comedy) on a screen.

    For example,  if you had a bad car accident, or a bad argument with someone, and you find your thoughts going back to that incident, ruminating on what happened, playing it over and over in your mind, your body will have the same neurophysiological responses. Your heart rate speeds up, your breathing become shallow. Your attention narrows so that you are focused just on that memory, unable to think about other things. Your stomach may clench up along with your muscles, and you may get colder, as blood retreats from your hands and feet to fuel larger muscles (part of the mind-body fight or flight reaction), or a dry mouth. Emotionally you will feel those same emotions--fear, anger, frustration, regret or sadness. Even though you are not really, right now, driving, not having a car accident, or not with the person you had that argument with.

    Robert Sapolsky used a humorous example to illustrate what our minds do in his book, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers. Imagine zebras roaming around on the plains of Africa, and a lion comes and attacks. The zebras all run to get away, but the lion takes one down. If zebras were like people, they might regroup at the waterhole and talk about what just happened--how horrible it was, how awful that Zebra Zed got his throat ripped out, and gosh, what if the lion comes back? Who will get eaten next? And on and on, day after day... 

   Of course, they don't do that. They are animals, not people! Once the lion has claimed its victim, the zebras, after running off, begin to calm back down. The threat has passed, so their brain sends signals to shut down all that excitement and physiological changes that the threat caused. They can stop running, they can go back to eating, even procreating if that is on the agenda. Life goes on,

    Only people would keep revisiting the horror of the attack over and over, worrying about what they could have done to help Zed, or about when the next one might happen... That's why, in a nutshell, it's not wild zebras that get the stress illnesses we humans do in such great numbers! Cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, anxiety issues, COPD, et cetera.

    When people remember or imagine bad things happening, even though such things are not actually happening at that time, we have the same neurophysiological responses as if they were, even as if the bad thing were really life threatening (which they rarely are). What if...? Or, What will I do if...?

 What if I lose my job? 

What if I am late and the boss notices? 

What if I don't know what I am doing and make a huge mistake? 

What if my wife doesn't love me anymore? 

What if that person is mad at me? 

What if I get nervous and make a fool of myself?

   What if..., which people can do because we have a larger, more complex and highly developed brain than other animals, is one of the sources of great human suffering!

    On the other hand, What if... is also a source of tremendous invention, creativity, imagination, problem-solving, compassion, unity and healing, to name a few things. 

    Reflecting on past mistakes or tragedies can also be instructive and helpful, when done in a certain way, that is, with our powers of analysis and problem solving, our ability to imagine cause and effects, with compassion toward self and others, with our curiosity and adventurous spirit to try something new or different. Harnessing such powers, people have come up with some great ideas, like vaccines and cures for illnesses, designs for new technologies, or really cool story lines for their next book.

    While we can't physically travel back in time and change what happened, we can learn from it so that we can avoid making the same kind of mistake in the future, or learn something about ourselves that we need to work on, if we approach it with, again, curiosity and other positive emotions like determination, or excitement, which allow us to engaged that human-unique brain's powers of pattern-finding, ingenuity, and creativity.

 Here's a challenge: for the next day or so, try to notice when your thoughts are taking you into the past or into the future. Trust me, it happens a lot. Unless you have a regular meditation routine or other activity that keeps you in the present moment, your mind will be wandering, traveling in time, back and forth. No need to criticize yourself for doing it! Just notice. 

    Then as you get better at noticing this time traveling, whenever you do so, also make note of whether you are thinking about positive or negative things. If you find these are mostly negative, you are not alone. Many, if not most, people lean this way. And if you are one of them, you can increase your wellbeing, health, and overall enjoyment of life if you work on learning methods for decreasing stress and increasing positivity in your life.

If you find your thoughts are going mostly to positive things, on the other hand, take a moment to pat yourself on the back and bask in the knowledge that you are living well, and you are preparing your body and mind for healthy, resilient responses to whatever comes your way.

If you want help managing stress, anxiety, or getting over past traumas, losses, or phobias, I offer mind-body instruction in stress management and resilience for individuals and groups, and soon, Havening treatment. Contact me at managemystress@gmail.com. 

Positivity—It’s Not What You Think!

     When you hear "positivity," maybe you think of people who tout lines from songs, like “Don't worry, be happy” or “Always look on the bright side of things…” Or the somewhat pejorative expression in sentences like, “She’s such a Pollyanna!”

      Positivity doesn't refer simply to happiness or cheerfulness. It's much more complex—and interesting—than just say, having a positive attitude.

       Consider the opposite, negativity. Things that bring you down, that sap your energy, that make you angry or depressed, feel defeated or inferior, jealous, or critical of self or others—these are expressions, and sources, of negativity.

       Researcher Barbara L. Fredrickson offers 10 main sources of positivity (though there are more). Some of these may surprise you.
       As you read this list, think of occasions when you felt these emotions.

1. Gratitude. This emotion has been posited as the gateway to all the other positive emotions and is most worth cultivating for that reason. As Fredrickson explains in her book, Positivity*.  Gratitude opens your heart and carries the urge to give back—to do something good in return, either for the person who helped you or for someone else.” Paying it forward, in other words.
2. Joy: In this emotion, you are feeling safe and things are going much better than anticipated. “[T]he situations requires little effort on your part.”
3. Serenity: This is an emotion that arises on its own, not requiring you to make an effort to evoke. It "enters when your surroundings are safe and familiar... But unlike joy, serenity is much more low key.... a mindful state that carries the urge to savor your current circumstances and... integrate them into your life more often." 
4. Interest: OK, you say, really? Interest is positivity? Yes. When you are engaged, fascinated, urged to immerse yourself in something that has captured your attention, you are activating a positive-emotion part of the brain. You become more open, begin to learn, to make connections in new ways.
5. Hope: Another wonderful feeling, right? Fredrickson describes it as fundamentally “the belief that things can change. … Possibilities exist. … It motivates you to tap into your own capabilities and inventiveness to turn things around. It inspires you to plan for a better future.” Having positive plans and goals for the future is an important key to quieting negativity.
6. Pride: Wait, isn't this is a bad thing? “Pride goeth before a fall,” right?  This is not referring to the self-glorifying, chest-pounding, haughty sort of pride. Rather, it is the one that comes from a sense of accomplishment, of socially valued achievement. Having done the best you can in a socially contributive activity. It is tempered with appropriate humility. “[P]ride fuels the motivation to achieve.” Experiments show that “when people feel pride, they are more likely to persist on difficult tasks,” Fredrickson reports.
7. Amusement: This refers to a kinds of humor. It’s typically a surprise, makes you want to laugh, and is, by definition, “nonserious.” Caution: Sarcasm or making fun of someone else is not encompassed by the positivity sense of amusement. The underlying emotions of those activities are negative.
8. Inspiration: It may be spiritual, creative, intellectual. When you feel inspired, you are experiencing positivity.
9. Awe: How you feel when something takes your breath away—like seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time. The face of your child for the first time. The view at the top of the mountain before you ski down. An incredible piece of art. Also, amazement at what another person has done—without going to a place of jealousy or self-deprecation, of course.
10. Love: This one's obvious, right? The deep feeling of giving or receiving love is positive. It makes us feel safe, connected. Fredrickson goes even further, pointing out that it can encompass all of the other nine emotions listed above.

      Were you able to pause at any of the above to reflect on a time that you felt that emotion?

       If you paused long enough to savor that memory, chances are you evoked that same positivity again. In just such moments, you increase your positivity. You may even feel positive right now, having focused on (been interested by, engaged with) this subject.     

       We encounter negativity constantly—on the news, in the workplace, in our relationships, and in our own thoughts of self-doubt, worry, complaint, and so forth. Increasing our positivity is possible, though, and has numerous concrete benefits for our health, relationships and future circumstances.

       While the negative emotions have long been the sole focus of psychology, the newer field of positive psychology is interested in why we have positive emotions, why we developed them, and how to cultivate them.

        In her “broaden and build” theory, Fredrickson explains that positive emotions are future oriented, connecting, and protecting, while negative emotions are backwards looking, or at best, focused on the now (survival, getting through a difficult time). Positive ones “broaden our mind and expand our range of vision.”

       “At a fundamental level," she says, "…positivity alters your brain and changes the way you interact with the world.” Her research and various experiments validate her theory.

       The more positivity you have and the more you cultivate, the more positivity comes into your life. When you can achieve a ratio of about three positive emotional experience for every negative one, positivity begins to increase in an upward spiral, overtaking negativity, leading to an increasingly positive life.

       Want this?

       You can begin by employing behavior, thoughts, and attitudes such as practicing kindness, looking for value and constructive lessons even in the struggles and challenges that come your way, being sincere, and counting your blessings. Fight off the negative thoughts and worries by taking time to savor good memories and current positive circumstances often, instead of ruminating on the negative. Also, share your positive experiences (instead of, say, complaints)—relive them in the telling, re-experience the good emotions. This is a way to multiply their positive impact, and a fun way to increase your own positivity.

            As we learn from mind-body medicine and research, the body’s stress and relaxation responses—from your brain to your cells and even genes—positivity has real impact on the structure and functioning of your brain, on what your cells are doing, and hence on your health.

            For more detailed and encouraging discussion of her research and the cultivation of positivity, read Fredrickson's book, including its toolkit for raising your positivity and lowering negativity. And tune in here for other discussions. 

* Positivity: Top Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio that will Change Your Life

Visit ed.ted.com for several Fredrickson talks, starting with Barbara Fredrickson: Positive Emotions Open Our Mind.

Elisabeth Carter Ed.M., MFA, completed the training to provide SMART at the Benson Henry Institute in 2015. For information about her Metro-West (Boston) based program, visit www.managemystress.net.

10 Strategies to Reduce Commuter Stress

Driving can be one of the most stressful parts of your day. So, reducing your driving stress lessens daily stress--and puts you in a better, less stressed mood when you arrive at work. Below are some de-stressing suggestions. Changing habits, of course, takes time. Pick a couple to work on, rather than attempting to tackle them all at once (if they all apply…). Making new habits takes repetition. You might want to print these out, cut them up, and tape 1-2 on your dashboard (or refrigerator) each week to remind you.

1 Don't play Irish trad tunes while driving, or anything that can get your heart pumping. Music affects your mood, & blood pressure! Put classical or jazz on the radio. Anything with a relaxing beat. Also avoid the negativity of endless news reporting or controversial, fast-taking or otherwise irritating radio shows that can get your ire up.

2. Breathe. Apply mindfulness, an effective stress management strategy, to your driving. Body tension both comes from the mind,and affects the mind. Notice if you are gripping the steering wheel tightly, holding your breath, or feeling tension/pain in your neck, shoulders, or back. If so, take a deep breath, hold a second, and exhale in a controlled slow motion, allowing your hands and arms and shoulders to release some tension. Take a few more long, full calming breaths like this, letting more of the tension in your body release. From time to time, check in with yourself, and repeat.

3. Turn off your phone. Give yourself a retreat from stress-generating multitasking, from distracting or stressful interactions with people not in the car. Savor the freedom of being out of contact with everyone else for a little while. According to AAA, distracted driving accounts for 13 deaths A DAY. Dying in an accident is definitely stressful… Apply mindfulness to your driving—when driving, just drive. Then praise yourself for your powers of self-disciple and responsible driving. Positivity, like praise, reduces stress and engages your prefrontal cortex, allowing you better emotional & impulse control, among other things.

4. Plan ahead—Part of your stress may be due to not getting in the car early enough. Keep your keys (purse, wallet, briefcase) in the same place so you don't waste time hunting for them. Gather whatever you will need to bring with you well in advance. Remember when your mom would lay out your clothes the night before school? Smart lady... You can still choose your outfit the night before. Think about what you can do to get yourself out the door earlier & in a more relaxed condition, so you don't have to worry if you get stuck in bad traffic. (But if you do worry, see 2 above.)

5. Slow down. Ask yourself, “Is it really important to get there as fast as possible? Will it really matter if I am a little late?”

            We can fall into the habit of rushing when we drive, even when there really isn't any reason for it. Driving isn't a race. Recognize when you are starting to feel irritated, anxious, competitive or aggressive while driving, and take a moment to reflect on how much difference a few minutes are really going to make. You can even do some mph/distance calculations.("I'm stuck behind someone going 10 mph slower than I want or normally go. My destination is 4 miles away, and I am about 1 mile away now. I usually go 40, which means 4 miles takes me 6 mins. (1/10 of 60 mins.). At 30 mph for 1 mile, it will take 2 mins. to get there instead of 1.25. Does this make a difference?") Then breath, relax, & slow down…

6. Curb your own aggressive driving--You know what I'm talking about: tailgating, speeding, weaving speedily between other cars, even those already going 10-20 mph over the speed limit, chasing the driver who cut you off a while back, passing on the left (especially on surface roads that are not 2 lanes wide!) 
     These put you in a heightened state of alertness, engaging your body's stress response. Not to mention the shortterm risk of tickets or accidents. They also prompt stress in the other drivers around you, making the road more dangerous and unpleasant for everyone. Slow down, back off from the guy in front of you, especially when you’re both going very fast, chill. See also 2 & 5 above.

7. Avoid negativity, go positive. Are you silently criticizing the stupid drivers around you (maybe even not silently)? Do phrases like, "Some of us have places go be, moron" bounce around in your head? Are you going over a recent argument you had with your spouse? Do you fantasize about how much trouble you will be in when you are late, then believe your fantasies? (In truth, the boss could be late too; you really can’t predict the future…!)

            Negative and judgmental thoughts trigger stress. Negativity also promotes negativity & stress around you. When you notice yourself doing this, turn your thoughts to things you appreciate, love, enjoy... The cute thing your child said at breakfast, the adoring look your dog gives you, the amazing sunset you saw last night... Count your blessings. Look forward to something pleasant, like an upcoming night out, vacation, or the accomplishment of a goal. This will direct your mind to the positive, and the brain cannot be both positive and negative at the same time. Use the drive to practice being more positive and the rest of your life will improve too!

8. Can't be positive? At least try this: Distract yourself from negative thoughts by counting to a hundred by sevens, forwards & backwards. Recite a memorized poem, or prayer, or the first 15 digits of pi. Try to recall something fun from every year of your life. Do anything to keep your thoughts from getting negative. And when you notice that they have drifted back to the dark side, just calmly (nonjudgmentally) say to yourself, “Oh, never mind!”, and return to your distraction plan.

9. Practice kind driving; compassionate imagining. Move your thoughts away from your wants and needs to contemplate those of other drivers. Let someone pass, allow a car waiting to merge from an onramp, be the guy who stops first when someone is standing at a crosswalk. Then bask in the goodness of your act. The generosity of your spirit will improve your mood and that of the other driver (or pedestrian), spreading a little goodwill & making the road safer.

             Other drivers annoying you? Make up compassionate scenarios instead of judging and cursing. The slow car up ahead is a fearful 87-year-old driving to visit her husband in the hospital... The guy talking on his phone, going 5-15 miles under the speed limit, is trying to calm his distraught daughter who just broke up with her boyfriend...

            Finally, work on recognizing that we all space out & get oblivious at times, and that none of the other drivers is doing what they are doing just to piss YOU off.

10. Use the bathroom before you leave.

Elisabeth Carter Ed.M., MFA, completed the training to provide SMART at the Benson Henry Institute in 2015. For information about her Metro-West (Boston) based program, visit www.managemystress.net.